To my dad with love.I know over the years that I have been a disappointment to you, I have failed you in many ways,all I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me. I didn't graduate school so i went back and got my GED, hoping to hear the words " love you and that you were proud of me" NO, nothing. I am taking a college course now and when you were told about that all you could say was, "what a waste of time and money, why was I doing that for because I am not going to work, to you it was ridiculous." and with that all I wanted to hear was, Gail I wish you well, that you were proud of me and that you loved me... since this summer all you have done is complain about the things I have failed at, how I have used and disappointed you and mom that all i do is think about myself, that I take and take and never think about anyone else. That I have not been there for my mother, that I am spoiled and selfish and and I am a cry baby. You have thought me to be man crazy, always picking losers no one ever being good enough (well I have to admit I didn't have a very good track record) and for that I am sorry. Maybe this is why I am still by myself. dad I am sorry to have been such a BIG DISAPPOINTMENT to you, such a cry baby, such a failure in your eyes, it seemed that the more I tried to please you,the more I failed. I ONLY wanted you to be proud of me,accept me,and REALLY love me. I know that it was difficult for you to give me the Stoutenberg name, about 4 years to be exact but i want to remind you that I never dirtied the name by being arrested, having my name put in the paper and embarrassing you. I may have let you down by being the 1st child to leave her h
Dad all I have ever wanted to do is make you proud of me,I hope that i have finally succeeded.I feel like I have lost yet another portion of my soul,just 2 years ago my son and now you. As I cared for you I could see and feel your pain. I wanted so desperately for it to go away, I kept trying dad to give you relieve, I am sooooooo sorry it failed. The fear and discomfort were written all over your face. May you now rest comfortably and know in yur soul that all will be taken care of with those you left behind. You shall remain a part of me for always. I love you dad regardless of what you thought.I hope you know differently now.Please let Dom know that he is missed and loved as well.
